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Mission: Fish Bone Freak out and the Pre-Worlds Spot

As usual I got stuck beside the most grotesque human being on the planet. Burping farting and snoring for the long leg between San Fran and New Zealand. I begged the flight attendant to get some drugs to put me out of my misery but she wouldn’t budge. Tiffany was thrilled, there were about 6 chick flicks on and my headset didn’t work. I was forced to look over her shoulder with one earpiece and watch girly flick after girly flick with sir snores a lot beside me. I hid his stinky ass shoes before I left the plane; I know that it was the wrong thing to do. But if it was the wrong thing to do why did it feel so good?



“Here is some night vision, shoe hiding shananagins, sorry for the quality I was in a bit of a hurry. “Yes, he did get them back”
Tiffanys utter disgust made the whole thing so worthwhile. He put me over the edge with the shoes; least he could of done is keep his shoes on, or even on his side for gosh sakes.

One of the few disadvantages of paddling an Olympic slalom course is the Slalom boater. They feel that because they have the right of way upstream that we (play boaters) should move out of the way. Which I believe is the right thing to do. However if the play boater is trapped in a hole, busy as hell trying to make his little boat do flippy things than obviously getting out of the way is not an option.
Here is a flippy thing at the Pre-Worlds spot. Its Ozzy paddler Anthony Yap
The spot is a very very fast breaking wave hole you can loop in and do all blunts in. Nothing too flash but next year is being held on another feature at the course.


Never has this problem been more prevalent than when the European folks are on the course here in Penrith. Healthy play boater meets oversized, bulging Slalom paddler on the river, an altercation occurs. Slalom paddler fat content of 2%, fit as a panther. In the right corner the classic play boater, fat content 25% and physique of a well-buttered Christmas goose. Play boaters request, don’t come down on me when I am in the hole, its distracting when you are paddling to see a monster size human paddling at breakneck speed in a floating Sish-ka-bob. I would have a killer argument for telling the Slalom world to be safe and not come down on a play boater. Then there are the few little monkeys that ruin my argument. Cutting out to surf without waiting for the slalom paddler to clear through. It makes it hard to convince a slalom paddler to be polite if the play boaters can’t reciprocate. And as it turns out the reason we have this problem on the course right now is because of that disrespect to begin with. Don’t let it happen on the courses going up in the USA.
There are a large quantity of man made courses going up around the US and Europe, wherever they are and if you paddle them be polite, if you can be polite and wait for the slalom paddler to clear then maybe they will wait for you to clear someday.

I almost died today, there was a fishbone lodged in my throat and I saw my life flash before my eyes. Lucky for me my secret weapon Tiffany was on hand for advice. Tiffany in all her medical wisdom told me to go and swallow a big old chunk of bread. Bread almost killed me. Just in case you don’t hear from me again I think that Tiffany was after all my money, 15$ and an inflatable bed is all I own. I tried swallowing hot tea, bread and even rice crackers. Which by the way I am forced to eat rice crackers these days. Focus Harris. Focus…
By this time Tiffer had the camera out and caught this on film.



I ended up fishing it out with a pair of needle nose pliers and a headlamp. I managed to pinch the back of my tongue 3 times with the wire cutter part at the base before I got a good hold on it. Triumph. Mental note, sift through your food for bones when Tiffer is around.

Keep locked on for the next couple of weeks there are a bunch of Jr’s showing up and believe me I will have something to say about their behavior.

Billy Harris on a Mission

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