What happened when 10 middle-aged men went on an ill-advised kayaking holiday

It started, as all arrangements must these days, with an invitation to join a WhatsApp group. “Boys,” said the message (somewhat erroneously, since every single invitee was in his 40s). “I’m very keen to organise the Norwegian kayaking weekend that I’ve probably mentioned to you before. I’m going to look at weekends in either July or September next year. Can you let me know if you’re up for it?”

The time was 7.30am. By 7.58 three members of the group had replied to say they were on board: “I’d be up for it”, “I’m in too”, “Likewise” the messages trilled. 

I was not quite so sure. The idea of spending some time away with a group of close friends, most of whom I’d known since school days, was certainly appealing, but two days’ kayaking (to be interspersed, I later learnt, with a “demanding” nine-hour hike) was not the way I would have chosen to catch up.

Granted, it was to take place in a stunning location: the west Norwegian fjords, a World Heritage area. But competitive kayaking – and there was no way 10 men with atrophying bodies and a fear of ageing would not make it competitive – just didn’t appeal. We were also going to have to camp and, while I am prepared to suffer the privations of outdoor living to entertain my children, I have never seen any reason to do it with a bunch of adults, all of whom could well afford a hotel. 

It soon became apparent, however, that my views on the matter were very much in the minority, and faced with the choice of missing the trip altogether or submitting myself to four days of discomfort and pathetic displays of virility, I chose the pathetic displays of virility. 

What followed was as predictable as it was comic. First came a deafening WhatsApp silence as nine men entered protracted negotiations with their wives for permission to go away. Then came the injuries. A good six months before they were due to set foot on Scandinavian soil, one prospective kayaker suffered ligament and cartilage damage to his knee, while another dislocated his shoulder skiing. The skier bowed out. The friend with the crocked knee boldly (or foolhardily) decided to plough on.

I, meanwhile, developed a frozen shoulder. A physiotherapist blamed it on typing and bad posture, but I knew it was my body trying to tell me something. “You can go if you want to,” it was saying. “But don’t expect any help from me – I’d much rather take a city break to Lisbon.”  

Fortunately, the tour operator we’d enlisted was tailor-made for slightly broken middle-aged men. Set up in 2012, Much Better Adventures offers everything a chap in the midst of a midlife crisis could want – the great outdoors, physical exertion, a break from routine – but without the need for much preparation or know-how.

Trips range from sea stack climbing in Co Donegal to canyoning in Slovenia and mountain biking in Morocco, all carried out under the supervision of local guides or adventure companies. Alongside the description of each trip on the company’s website there is even a helpful guide to the number of days or half-days you will have to take off work to do it.

Our trip involved two days’ annual leave: a flight out to Bergen on Friday, a day’s kayaking on Naeroyfjord (Narrow Fjord) on Saturday, a hike to the highlands above the fjord on Sunday, another day’s kayaking and then a flight home on Monday. And the truth is, while the trip did not convert me to the outdoor life, it did provide several unforgettable moments. 

It helped that, like Britain, western Norway was experiencing a full-on heatwave. And, because we were in Scandinavia only a week after the summer solstice, that sunshine never really subsided. This atypical weather led to the first of the trip’s memorable moments. Our first night’s accommodation was a low-slung hostel on the banks of Lake Vangsvatnet, and several of us plucked up the courage to go for a swim.

The glacial water simultaneously took your breath away and filled you with adrenalin. Exhilarating. After that, the five-man dormitories were something of a comedown. But the hostel redeemed itself again the next morning with an excellent breakfast, which we ate on a balcony overlooking the lake.

We then boarded a coach and travelled to the town of Gudvangen (“God’s Meadow”) where we met our guide for the next three days - a 24-year-old Australian called Hayden - and collected our wet shoes, dry bags, life jackets, tents and other essentials. Nordic Ventures, the company which supplies Much Better Adventures’ Norwegian kayaking trips, ushers some groups into the water here, but we got back on to our coach and travelled seven miles upstream to the hamlet of Undredal. There, we picked our boats our boats and received a quick lesson in the dos and don’ts of kayaking (do use the rudder to ensure you go in a straight line; don’t hold your paddle the wrong way round). 

Right from the start – as predicted – I found myself at the back of the group. Initially, this was because of a faulty rudder, but, even once the rudder was fixed, I struggled to keep up with the rest. At first, this really bothered me. For all my jokes about “chest beating”, I didn’t like lagging behind. But eventually, I accepted I was never going to win any paddling competitions, stopped worrying about my speed and looked around me. 

If you want an example of a classic fjord landscape, you can’t wish for anything better than Naeroyfjord. Formed by a glacier during the last ice age, it is almost 4,000ft deep, only 820ft wide at its narrowest point and flanked by mountains up to 5,700ft high. In summer, trees turn them green and brown and water cascades down narrow, wooded ravines into the fjord. Combined with the bright sunlight, which transformed the ripples of the water into glittering diamonds, it was a breathtaking sight. This was the trip’s second memorable moment, or series of moments.  

The paddling was hard work, and although we were given plenty of opportunities to rest; either when refilling our water bottles (which we did straight from mountain-fresh streams) or at lunch, which we took on one of Naeroyfjord’s lush meadows, I was extremely relieved to finally reach our campsite. 

Again, I would rather have been checking into a hotel, or at least a luxury yurt, but there was certainly something to be said for the view, the open fire and the adjacent cliff face, which we leapt off into the freezing water. 

I didn’t sleep well (although my tentmate slept like a baby) but somehow I felt OK the next morning, which was just as well – the plan for the day was to paddle across the fjord and hike up to the plains, 3,300ft above us.

Dyrdal, the old farm village from where we started our hike, is a small cluster of houses, barns and other farm buildings, which have been owned by the same families for generations. There are no permanent residents in the village any more, but the surrounding land is still cultivated. Thus, for the first half of our ascent, as well as mountain streams and waterfalls, we passed green pastures containing goats, sheep and tiny, pastel-painted farmers’ huts. 

The second half of the ascent was a different matter entirely. The gradient increased significantly, and the climb became more laboured. By the time we had reached the summit about two hours later, I was exhausted.

The reward for completion, though, was another of the trip’s unforgettable moments; a spectacular view that crammed in the inky-blue fjord, steep woodland, snow-capped mountains and a village, perched on the side of the water far below us. The hike down took the best part of four and a half hours and then finally, after reaching Dyrdal and then traversing the fjord, we arrived back at our campsite. 

In days gone by, when we had more stamina, there would probably have been some high jinks at this stage, involving whisky, idiotic dares and jokes at each other’s expense. Instead, we had some sensible stretching exercises and someone passed round his blister ointment. 

Fortunately, the next day’s schedule was quite forgiving. Nordic Ventures’ base in Gudvangen was not far away and the whole group was happy to take it slow. By three o’clock we had bid Hayden farewell and were on a coach back to Bergen airport, sitting on comfy seats and catching up with the world on our phones. 

It had been a fantastic trip, no question. But, if I’m honest, this was another of the memorable moments for me. 

The essentials

Much Better Adventures (muchbetteradventures.com) offers a four-day Hike, Kayak and Wild Camp the Norwegian Fjords trip from £537 per person including airport transfers, first-night hostel accommodation, all equipment, a guide, local transport and meals, but excluding flights.