Investment advice:

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49.00 today.
 
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today.
 
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
 
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle.  It is called the 401- Keg.

And as a bonus...

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.  Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a year.  That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you damned proud to be an American!